Life
shouldn’t revolve around making everyone else happy; and it certainly shouldn’t revolve around
expecting others to make you happy either.
Happiness is actually a choice - If
you are having a bad day, and then something happens to brighten it – what
actually is happening is that you are choosing to feel happy. No-one has the power over you to control your
emotions, we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react
to it. That may well be a bit of a cliché, none-the-less it is so true! It
comes down to having a solid core of self-belief, strong roots , and yes,
strong boundaries.
If this
all sounds a bit twee, then take a moment to think about your life, do you take
full responsibility for it?
Ask
yourself the following:
Do you
often say yes, when you’d actually like to say no?
If you are
worried about something, do you voice those fears?
If you are
in trouble, no matter how small, can you ask for help, and take it when
offered?
Do you
spend a lot of your time worrying what others think of you?
Have
you got a strong voice to speak up for yourself, a voice that not only rattles
around in your mind, but one that actually speaks out for you?
If you
can’t answer those positively then let’s look at some ways you can change that.
Throw
away all the “if only” and “when I get” “If I had” thoughts and start to
appreciate what you do have. You really cannot change others – end of; people
only change if they want to. However, you can change yourself over time.
The
first, and most important, thing to work on is the expectations and imprints dumped upon you from significant others. The biggest cause of disappointment in life is to
think we are always failing, always somehow falling short of our partners,
family, neighbours, and colleague’s expectations.
We hold
this image and ideal that everyone else in life is happy, having great success
at everything – this is truly not so. When we are disconnected from our own inner
guidance system, we are disconnected from happiness.
Once
you release the outcome of trying to live up to the attitudes and imprinted
expectations of others, you can begin to live your life on your own terms.
How to create
the happiness you seek?
1:
Change your outlook, listen to yourself speak and get into the habit of
creating positive speech and behaviour.
2: If
it feels right, do it! If it doesn’t – listen to your intuition/gut and stay
away! This really is key to everything you do from here on in.Your inbuilt inner guidance system is your best friend, learn to listen to it, best of all, be guided by it.
3: Smile, be nice, start your day with
kindness, let others attitudes be their problem. Smiling is infectious and even
if you don’t feel like it at first – suck it in and give a grin! Like ripples
in a pond people will notice the change in you.
4: Give
every single thing you do your best shot, put your energy into positive things
– got things in your life that make you miserable? Change them! once you get
started, you won’t believe what you can achieve.
5:
Always wanted to do something? Do it! The worst that can happen is that all
your dreams stayed in your head. The best that can happen is opportunity. Fear
of trying something new is a strange master, it has a lot of power when it’s
rattling around in your head. But face it head on, and it evaporates leaving
you wondering “Why didn’t I… “Try/do/see/taste/feel/enjoy (add anything you’re
missing here) that years ago”!
6: Look
at the relationships in your life, are they nurturing? Do you hang out with
nice people? Most importantly – do they show you love, kindness and
respect. Distance yourself from the negative nellies who
suck all your time, confidence and energy! Be nice to others, it has to work both ways. Care
about people, not at your own expense, but on equal terms. (like attracts like)
7: Stop
being so hung up on all the things you don’t have and truly appreciate what you
DO have. Get a real sense of appreciation for all the everyday things in your
life – after all, that’s what real life is made of isn’t it? Show appreciation
for others, we all like that don’t we?
8:
Nurture yourself, take care of your mind and body with equal care. If you are
physically exhausted, then your mind will be too (and vice versa) Like Baz
Lurhman said, Don’t read beauty magazines, they’ll only make you feel ugly! Sticking filler in your face, plumping up your wobbly bits with chemicals - this is madness! Ending up looking like wax model will not make you happy - but loving yourself and celebrating all you are will.
9: Be
brave, some people just cannot be fixed, if trying to fix them is breaking you
– move on. It’s not giving up, it’s not giving in, it’s recognising the real
truth of the situation you’re in and doing something about it for YOU. Get help
with that, it’s not a weakness to ask for help, chances are you’re so lost that
even thinking hurts. It’s your life, own it. You will come out the other side stronger,
healthier, and braver.
10: Take ownership of your boundaries – I repeat
this in all I do and all I teach.
Empower
yourself, love yourself from the inside right through to the outside. You can
choose to change, or choose to stay stuck in unhappiness – it’s only you who
can change.
Finally,
Listen to this.. and then go dance ….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
