Building a tool kit
for happiness:
If you did, what
would you need in your tool box?
Firstly, the box
(you) has to be strong, robust and capable of carrying a load – we all have
that ability, whether we recognise it or not. How many times have you survived
an experience and not until you look back over it, you think, “How on earth did
I cope with that”. I am talking about
the twists and turns of life here, not of loss of a loved one, an entirely
different subject.
Our box may get a
little battered here and there, worn around the edges and sometimes a little
weary. However, the human spirit is an amazing force, far more amazing than
most people realise. When we look back at those times and wonder at our
strength and resilience, we see just what we are capable of in times of need.
Imagine then if you harnessed that ability and
used it to change your life for the better, think what you could achieve?
So I have mentioned
strength and resilience, so how do we keep it topped up?
With a healthy view
to managing our emotions, to begin to look at the positives, to look at what we
learnt from the experience. It’s so easy to slip into a negative mind set,
mentally logging all the “bad” experiences, carefully separating them from the “good”.
When we do that, we build our mind and bodies blueprint for life into two distinct
camps. It’s then all too easy to slip into thoughts of “why me” and all the other
negative self-talk that we have admonished ourselves with (and perhaps heard
from our parents or other authority figures).
Instead of letting negative thoughts overwhelm
you, why not start to view the past a little differently? What was your role in
the event, was it down to sheer bad luck, or could you have made better choices? This prevents us from thinking we are
passengers in life, with no control or choice over what happens. It also prevents
us from thinking that things are done to us, that we play no part in our
own destiny.
Be honest with
yourself, become self-aware of your own habits and behaviours. Learn the
difference between emotionally negative strong feelings and our intuition.
Emotionally negative strong feelings arise from the past, and if they take over
your thinking, they can cause havoc, balance them with reasoning. Intuition is
our inbuilt safety device, trust it, review some situations/events, how many
times did you say to yourself that you just “knew” what was happening/going to
happen yet you ignored those feelings.
Take time to calm down, to think about things
before you blurt them all out. It’s about gaining a healthy balance, learning
to differentiate between when you are reacting from a place of anger, or fear
and when you are acting from a sense of reason and intuition.
Value yourself,
build strong boundaries, most of my blogs repeat this, almost like a mantra and
that’s because it is so important for
your happiness.
How many times has
your life exploded off into a new direction, with circumstances that at the
time seemed devastating? How many times did your life end up ultimately better,
after the dust settled and the hurt and pain subsided, new doors opened for you?
How many times did you realise “I should have done that a long time ago”?
Try this exercise,
even if just for one day.
Listen to your
speech, the way you talk to others, and just as importantly, the way you talk
to yourself. Are you critical of others, and of yourself, do you see the worst
in everything? Is your speech littered with negativity, pessimism? Think of
sayings such as “if something bad is going to happen, it always happens to me”;
that’s like issuing an invitation!
Now make a conscious
effort to change those thoughts and speech to positives. It isn’t easy; it
takes a lot of hard work, but once the realisation is in your conscious awareness,
it can become a new habit within a month or so, that time scale varies from
person to person, but gives you a rough idea.
Also we need to
nourish ourselves, a healthy diet and good quality sleep play a huge part in
feeling good about ourselves. I am well aware that
it is a long hard slog to change your thinking and therefore your life. I am
not even going to pretend that it’s easy, or indeed a quick process. I can
however promise you that the rewards are immense.
So a quick review of
our tool kit:
Strength
Resilience
Positive self-worth
Value yourself
Set Boundaries
Managing your emotions
Positive self-talk
Nourish your body
Sleep well
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